Finding Joy (The Joy Series) (Volume 2) Page 7

  “Make two bags,” she hollered at me. “I’m eating for two, you know.”

  I shook my head and decided that she had been easier to deal with when she’d been in denial.

  CHAPTER 5

  Adam

  Lizzie looked sullenly out the passenger side window as we made our way from the Financial District to the Upper East Side. She was quieter this morning than she had been last night. I wasn’t really sure what to do with her. I didn’t have much experience with moody teenage girls.

  I pulled up to a red light behind a line of cars and cabs, and drummed my fingers on the steering wheel. I reached over and turned down the volume on the radio.

  “Hey, what are you thinking about over there?” I asked. “Are you worried about being dropped off at school in this old car?”

  She turned to look at me and then glanced all around the car. She brushed her hand across the black vinyl dash. “No way. This car is so cool.” Her hand dropped back in her lap, and she studied it for a second. “I’m just thinking about my mom. I’m worried about her. What’s going to happen when she comes home and I’m not there? She needs me.” I’d heard this story before. Hell, I’d lived it.

  The light turned green, and traffic began to move again. I drove through the intersection, but then pulled over to the curb at the first open spot. I put the car in park and turned in my seat to face her. “I don’t want to make you late to school because Allie would kill me, but I want to tell you a story.”

  “Okay,” she said. “Is it about a teenage girl who gets herself in trouble, and a mom who doesn’t care? Please tell me there’s a happy ending.”

  “No but close,” I said. “It’s about a teenage boy who got himself in trouble, and a mom who did care…just like yours does…but she was just too messed up to do anything about it. It does have a happy ending though, and yours will too.”

  Lizzie’s eyes went wide.

  “My childhood was a lot like yours, Lizzie,” I began. “The only difference was that I had a dad who was around some of the time. But my mom and your mom could be the same person. I know what its like to take care of someone who should be taking care of you. I’ve been where you’re at, and if you ever want to talk about it, I’m here. Okay?”

  Lizzie looked back at me with tears in her eyes. A faint smile slipped out. “Okay,” she said, nodding.

  “And there are lots of other people who care about you, too. You know that right?”

  She sat still for a moment, and I wondered if she was going to open up. “Hey, I love this song,” she said, instead. She reached over and turned the volume back up on the radio.

  I watched her bounce in the seat, singing along to whatever shit she had found for us on the radio. She was going to be a hard to nut to crack, but I had been, too, when I’d been her age and in her position. It wasn’t easy to open up about the unpleasantness of living with a drunk.

  Since ‘the moment’ was over, I steered back onto the road and didn’t pull over again until we were in front of her school. “I’ll see you at 3:30, okay? I’ll be right here,” I said.

  “Yeah,” she said climbing out. Before closing the door, she leaned back in. “Oh, and Adam … thanks for earlier. I feel better now.”

  Ahh, so she had heard me. “Any time,” I said, but she had already slammed the door. I watched her ponytail bounce up the steps of the school. It was then that I noticed what she was wearing. Allie had bought her all of those new clothes on Sunday, but Lizzie was still wearing her worn-out Columbia Law sweatshirt. I made a mental note to swing by the campus bookstore this morning after my only class of the day. I’d add a little something new to her wardrobe as well.

  Alexis

  The morning had been organized chaos. We had stayed up too late watching the movie, and getting Lizzie up this morning had been a challenge. She’d been grouchy and testy. It had given me an inside look at what having a teenager would be like, and it wasn’t pretty.

  I sifted through some papers on my desk. I’d arranged to take Friday off so that Lizzie and I could go to Boston. But, as a result, I needed to get a lot of things off my desk today and tomorrow.

  Ethan swung into my office and leaned against the door. “Hey, it’s Huuuuuuummmmpppp Dayyyyy,” he said. “Want to meet for happy hour? I’ll call Jillian. You can call Adam and Carly.”

  In the past, our happy hours had consisted of a bunch of lawyers from our office in a stuffy bar like the Library. Now our happy hours were much more casual. I found it funny how Ethan had worked his way into Adam’s group of friends. Ethan was a pretty boy. He couldn’t be any more different from Burke and his bandmates than he was. However, he managed to fit right in. Ethan was like that. He could handle any situation.

  I still didn’t know the extent of what had gone on between Adam and Ethan while I had been on my little hiatus from life. But whatever had happened, they had gone from hating each other to being good friends. It was an unlikely combination, but no more unlikely that Adam and me, I guess.

  “I can’t tonight,” I said. “I have Lizzie, remember?”

  “Oh, that’s right … that sucks.”

  “No, it doesn’t. I like having her. But you guys should go out. Call Adam. I’m sure that he’ll want to do something. I feel kind of bad about tossing him out.”

  “Will do,” Ethan said, pushing himself off the door. “I miss you though, wifey. It’s just not the same anymore. We never go out. You work all the time. You come home late, and we don’t talk. I think our marriage is over.”

  I looked for something to throw at him. It seemed like I was always looking for something to throw at him. I settled on a hot pink tape dispenser shaped like a stiletto heel and chucked it at him.

  He caught it easily. “I’m keeping this and holding it hostage. You can have it back after you go to happy hour with me next week,” he said before heading down the hall.

  “That pink high heel is going to look real cute on your desk,” I yelled after him.

  I worked through lunch so that I could leave early. Adam had said that he would get Lizzie a snack after school. That meant that he’d probably drop her off at the apartment around 4:30, and I didn’t want to leave Lizzie home by herself for more than a couple of hours. It was 1:15 when my cell phone rang. I was making good progress sifting through the piles on my desk and still had almost five hours left in the work day.

  This time I recognized the number as Marlene’s. She’d said that she would call to check in. “Hi, Marlene,” I answered.

  “Alexis, I’m glad I caught you,” she said. The tone of her voice immediately set me on edge. She sounded strained, upset even. I’d never heard or seen Marlene get upset. Even yesterday when she had called to tell me about Lizzie’s missing mother and she had clearly been stressed out, she’d still been upbeat.

  “What’s wrong?” I asked. “Is it Lizzie’s mom?”

  “No,” Marlene answered quietly. “It’s Lizzie.”

  My stomach dropped, and I broke out in a sweat. My heart was racing, my hands shaking. “Is she hurt?” I whispered. “Is it the baby?”

  “No, no, it’s nothing like that,” Marlene said. “Lizzie is fine. But we have a problem. A teacher saw her get out of Adam’s car this morning and questioned her about it. We didn’t coach Lizzie on what she should and shouldn’t say. I didn’t think it was necessary. I didn’t anticipate anything like this. I guess I should’ve. Anyway, Lizzie told the teacher everything.”

  “Everything?”

  “Yes, everything. She told her that she was staying with you because her mom was missing and that Adam is your boyfriend. I don’t know why she was so forthcoming with information. She usually isn’t.”

  “She didn’t know any better. So are we in trouble?” I asked.

  “You’re not. I might be though. I don’t know, but that’s not my biggest concern right now.” She sighed into the phone. “A social worker from CPS is picking Lizzie up from school today.”

  “No,” I said
. This was exactly what we had been trying to avoid. Now Lizzie was going to be just another kid lost in the system.

  “She’ll probably be in a group facility tonight. If they aren’t able to locate her mother, I’m guessing that she’ll be placed in foster care.”

  “This is awful,” I said. “Will I be able to see her?”

  Marlene was silent for what seemed like an eternity. “I doubt it,” she finally said. “Not at first anyway. She can probably call you if she has access to a phone, but I doubt that they will allow you to see her. I’m sorry, Alexis. I should’ve handled it differently, I know. But I thought this was best for Lizzie.”

  I felt as defeated as she sounded. “It’s not your fault, Marlene. It was what was best for Lizzie.”

  “I thought so,” she sighed.

  “You’ll keep me updated, right?”

  “Of course, I will,” she said. “Alexis, I need to come get her stuff from your place. I know you’re working but is there anyway you can meet me at 5 o’clock?”

  “Sure. I’ll be there,” I said.

  I ended the call and cradled my head in my hands. This was awful. I knew nothing about Child Protective Services. I knew nothing about the foster care system, but I imagined that it was going to be difficult for me to maintain a relationship with Lizzie while she was in it. I had friends who took on pro bono work in this area. I could ask them how it all worked, but at the moment I just wanted to go home.

  I was no longer worried about getting more work done today. I was emotionally wasted and would be worthless the rest of the day. It didn’t really matter anyway since I wouldn’t be going to Boston on Friday. I closed my computer down and threw it in my bag. I gathered up my purse and phone and told Constance that I would be working from home the rest of the day.

  I’d planned on walking the few blocks to my apartment, but when I saw the line of cabs outside the office, I broke protocol and slid into the closest one. There was somewhere else I wanted to go first. Someone I needed to see.

  Traffic on a Wednesday afternoon was relatively light, and the cab pulled up in front of Adam’s building in Murray Hill just a few minutes later. His only class on Wednesday was in the morning and had ended a few hours ago. I had texted him on the way to tell him I was coming, and he’d immediately responded to come on in.

  As I neared Adam’s apartment, his cranky and elderly neighbor, Mr. Donaldson, was shuffling back to his apartment. “Hello, Mr. Donaldson,” I said, trying to put on a brave face. I didn’t want the old man to know I was in emotional turmoil.

  “Ms. Allie,” he said, with a tight smile. “I tell you, the boys these days are never happy. My Grace was all I ever needed. Been gone 20 years now. God bless her.”

  I smiled back at him but just nodded in acknowledgement of the craziness coming out of his mouth. I’d had a few run ins with Mr. Donaldson, and he had gotten nuttier with each encounter. Adam had explained to me that he was senile and possibly a bit schizophrenic. ‘Just nod and smile,’ Adam had said.

  I moved on past him and approached Adam’s door. Even though we never stayed here, I still had my key. I stuck it in the lock, but the door pushed open before I could even turn it. I was immediately assaulted by the voices coming from the direction of the kitchen. One was higher pitched and sultry … and decidedly female.

  I set my bag and purse on the floor and moved in the direction of the voices. I froze in the doorway of the kitchen and silently took in the scene before me. Adam was sitting at the kitchen table with his back to me and two open beer bottles set in front of him. The woman was standing beside him, leaning over the table. She was twisted just perfectly so that her cleavage would practically smack him in the face if he turned to look at her. I had seen her only once before, but knew exactly who she was. I’d recognize those long, lean legs, that cascading hair, and flawless olive skin anywhere. She was the girl from the coffee shop.

  Caribbean Barbie.

  “I’m really glad you came over today, Carissa. I wasn’t sure if this was a good idea, but I think we can work it out. It’s nice and easy for me, and I’ll make it worth your while.” Adam said, turning and smiling at her warmly.

  “Oh, it’s good for both of us. You know I’ve always been very comfortable here with you.” She leaned over a little further and scratched Rubber Cat who was sitting in the chair next to Adam.

  “I just wish he was part of the package. He’s so sweet,” she crooned. “Are you sure you have to take him back home to her. I could make you both very happy, you know.” She removed her hand from my cat and ran it up and down my boyfriend’s arm instead.

  I flitted around the corner before either of them could spot me and flattened myself against the wall. My heart was pounding so violently in my chest that it could burst at any second. Bile was rising in my throat, and there was the very real possibility that I was going to be sick. I needed to get out of here before I left both my heart and the contents of my stomach on the floor of Adam’s apartment. I bolted for the door.

  “I’ll get everything settled, and we’ll meet up early next week if that’s good for you,” he said.

  “That’s great. We’ll pick up right where we left off,” she purred as I quietly closed the door behind me.

  My knees felt weak, and I wasn’t sure how long before they gave out completely. As I stumbled past Mr. Donaldson’s door, his crazy mutterings suddenly made sense. They hadn’t been a nonsensical commentary on his own losses. They had been a warning that I’d failed to heed.

  I pushed the button for the elevator, but when the light above it didn’t immediately change from the one to the two, I turned toward the stairs. Taking two at a time, I burst out of the stairwell and ran toward the front door. My heels tapped out a rapid staccato beat in time with my still pounding heart.

  It was only when I reached the street that I stopped running. My shoulders sagged, and I nearly melted into the pavement when I realized that I had forgotten my purse and my computer bag. I couldn’t go back for them. I wasn’t ready to face him … to confront him. Even after what I’d just witnessed, I didn’t want to tell him good-bye.

  I couldn’t get a cab. I had no money. I couldn’t call anyone. I had no phone. I began the long walk down Second Street toward my apartment. After a couple of blocks, the adrenaline that had propelled me out of Adam’s building left me. My sprint became a trudge. Even though I was supposed to meet Marlene, I was in no hurry to get there anymore. Adam would find my things. He would know that I had been there. Would he try to find me before he went to pick up Lizzie at school?

  Shit. I hadn’t had a chance to tell him not to pick up Lizzie.

  In all likelihood, he would go and sit and wait for her. And she wouldn’t come out. How long would he wait? With any luck, by the time he came looking for me, I would be gone. I could go to Carly’s. I could call Ethan. It didn’t matter. I just knew that I couldn’t hang out at home. Waiting. Wondering when he would come. Wondering how he would explain it away. Or worse, wondering if he would even try.

  I replayed the scene over and over in my head. He had said that he was glad that she was there and that it was easy for him. What was easy for him? Cheating on me? She’d said that they would pick up where they left off. Did she mean that they would pick up from where they’d been months ago when he’d caught her cheating on him with Brian? Or were they picking up from a place more recent than that? Is this what went on every day while I was at work? It was no secret that Adam had a lot more free time than I did. I wondered now if Carissa was how he filled his time.

  I was full of questions and no answers.

  The longer I walked, the more numb I became. I should have been heartbroken. Rage would been an appropriate reaction. Instead, I felt like a piece of me had just died. The rest of me curled around it, forming a barrier to protect it from further damage. I hadn’t wanted to give my heart away in the first place. I’d known better. But Adam had worked his way in. He had loved me unconditionally … despite every
thing. And he’d made me believe that there was something in me that was worth loving.

  One of us had been wrong.

  _________________________

  I was exhausted by the time I pushed open the door to my building. Though my feet were screaming from the 3-mile walk, my heart was still numb. I had serious doubts, however, about how long this sabbatical from emotion would last. I had a feeling it would wear off, and the ache in my chest would be back. With a vengeance.

  Of course, it had to be Tony at the front desk. The guy who knew everything about everything going on in the building. And Adam’s new friend.

  “Hey, Alexis,” he said in his thick accent. He looked down at his watch. “Wow. It’s early for you. Is everything okay?”

  I arranged my face into something that I hoped resembled calm, cool, and collected. Even the weak smile that I was able to muster made me feel like my face might crack. “Everything’s fine,” I lied. “Tony, I left my bag at work. Can you let me into my apartment?”

  “Sure thing. I just need to get the key out of the office,” he said. He gave me a sideways glance as he ambled off toward the office. A few minutes later, he returned with the key and something else hidden in his left hand. He stuck his arm out toward me and uncurled his massive fingers to reveal a single Hershey’s Kiss. Tony smiled at me softly. “You look like you could use this.”

  “Thank you. You have no idea.” I immediately started unwrapping it.

  He stuffed his hand in his pocket and dug around. “Actually, you look like you could use these, too.” He smiled as he thrust an entire fist full of Kisses at me. I popped the first one in my mouth and cupped my hands so that he could pour the Kisses into them. “Come on. Let’s get you upstairs.”

  We made the rest of the journey to my apartment in silence. He unlocked the door and pushed it open just a crack. As I stepped aside, he asked, “Are you sure you’re alright? Do you want me to call Adam?”